Brandon Inge Riff We Tigers' fans have our Hall of Shame, and Brandon Inge was recently inducted. I unintetionally strung along a poster by making up quotes from Inge that he thought were genuine:
ME: "I've always wanted to play in Pittsburgh for as long as I can remember," said Inge. "Detroit was never a fit for me. I think that I'm finally going to play to my true potential for the first time in my career. I hope that Andrew McCutcheon doesn't mind being a part-time player now that I have arrived. I think that I'm the instant second-best player in Pirates' history after Omar Moreno."
Poster "MR": "Detroit was never a fit but you stayed 10 years? Lol."
(So I escalate the remarks)
ME: "I never understood my role as a Tiger," said Inge. "The Pirates get me and I have found my true home. They said that they were stunned that the Tigers let me go and that I lost my starting third base job to a guy who hadn't played the position for 8 seasons."
Poster "MR": There is no way Pirates players said that to Inge. "Stunned that Miggy took his place."
ME (He's gotta know I'm playing around by now): "They're really cool," said Inge of his new teammates. "They are nothing like the teammates I had in Detroit, who always seems to keep at a distance, unless I was playing well. I didn't like them all that much, so it was very tempting for me to play poorly to keep them from pretending that I was one of them."
Poster "MR": Oh so he played poorly on purpose.
Poster "SQ": Byco on a roll. (he sees it, making the other guy's responses even richer)
ME: "I think I'm more a National Leaguer at heart," said Inge. "And the Pirates have had a lot of them on their team going all the way back to the beginning of the 20th century. I feel a kindred relationship with all who have played for the Pirates, going back to Honus Wagner, and I think I'm just as good as any of them." (He's gotta know, right?)
Poster "MR": Only took 4 of your posts before I realized you were joshing. (finally)
ME: "And the Tigers' fans are ignorant slobs who know nothing about baseball at all." said Inge. "Pirates' fans are far more sophisticated and refined than the fans in Detroit. I know it will motivate me to finally give 100 percent effort on the field and at the plate. I struck out on purpose in the final out of the 2006 series because I had to pee real bad and Red Dawn was on TV in an hour. As a Pirate, I'll be sure to DVR it and I've perfected my bladder control under this new strength-training program that I did over the winter."
(But another poster is reeled in)
Poster "CRM": I wish he would just shut up.
!@#$ you and your tats and your giant turkey leg calves and your wrist flicking pussy swing. Getting rid of you was the best decision the Tigers ever made, don't fool yourself. Oh and start tucking your ears into your ballcap you look like a mongoloid Dumbo.
ME: "The Pirates like my tattoos," said Inge, "which is what you'd expect from an organization with that name. I'm thinking of getting a tattoo of Dale Berra on my arm, to represent all the undervalued third basemen in major league history. The Tigers weren't all that keen on tattoos unless you were a superstar, which I always thought was a double-standard. Here, even the clubhouse boys have tattoos."
THE END.
--- "From 1955 to my retirement, the best all-around player in the American League was Al Kaline." Mickey Mantle.
Re: Well done, Byco. Wish we could bring that back to this board. Instead, we have to settle for the byproduct of becomming WS Champs: Basically nothing to !@#$ about.